Internal struggle over the last few months has been my guilt/anxiety/fear/desire/confusion about being a working mother. In many ways, this is not an issue for us to "work out" because we had a plan long before starting the adoption process about how we would work this out. The original "plan" was that I would keep working full-time when we had our first child. When #2 came along, it would depend how far apart the kids were in ages, but I would still work (at least part-time) and then we would figure things out from there. It is fair to say that I would like to re-visit the "plan." I know I complain about work, and being tired, and blah blah blah, but at the end of the day. I like working... I have a feeling that I might go nuts if I stay home full-time, but I also know that I already feel intense guilt about working and putting our child in daycare. No, I don't think daycare is evil. I have a working mom and she is pretty amazing. I have a great relationship with her. I have always known that I (and my siblings) were here priority over work. She still puts in mega-effort at her job, but the family was first...ALWAYS. (Do I just remember the house always being clean, too? She couldn't have worked all day and raised children and always had a clean house, right?) I can't even keep the house clean without kids around...I'm doomed in that department!
Interestingly enough, my mom is the only person that I have truly voiced my desires and concerns too. Part of me wants to stay home because, after this elephant's gestation period waiting for our little one...I don't want to turn around and put him/her in daycare, BUT I love my job (most days...today notwithstanding). Neither decision feels like the "right" one. I don't feel like my prayers have produced a clear path or answer either. Even K --a rather 'thrifty' guy responds, "We can make either decision work." That just isn't helpful!!!!!!!
Well, I love this blog: http://buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com/ and I think she wrote THIS post just for me (well, not really). It is about adopted children and daycare. It didn't necessarily give me an answer, but I felt a little more normal for having all of the questions I've been tossing around in my mind.
What is your experience with daycare or staying at home with the kids? What worked for you what didn't? Was your daycare a center, in someone's home, in your home (nanny)? How did you feel? If you could do it over again, what would you do differently? Seriously, I need to start talking about this. I don't need anyone to TELL me what to do, I just need to think EVERYTHING through so that I can get comfortable with my emotions about it all. I'm trying to give it all up to the big guy (that would be God, K is referred to as Mr. Man or Nerd...not big guy), but I think he knows me well enough to know that I am an "information-gatherer." As always, hurtful comments need not apply. Not all criticism is constructive. Thanks in advance for your stories and comments!!!!!