Cupcakes and Meatballs? Part 1

Cupcake had been home for a year in July 2012. We had 're-finalized' her adoption, and were settling into being parents in a joyful and comfortable way. We knew that we wanted Cupcake to have sibling(s) someday. We both have siblings, and we love them all dearly. It helps that they are all pretty fantastic people, but we want Cupcake to have those relationships growing up. Also, we had a suspicion that she would THRIVE as a big sister, because her other nickname? Bosslady. She loves to both be of service, and 'direct' people. 

So, last June and July, we were researching and praying about our 'options' for growing our family. We would LOVE to adopt from Ethiopia again, and maybe someday we will, but it just wasn't the time. We looked at adopting a 'special needs' child from China, but you are required to be 30 before starting the process. We weren't 30 then, and felt like we didn't want to WAIT so long to start (we are 30 now!). We researched Korea, Uganda, the Congo, etc, and we were about a nano-second from starting a Congolese adoption when we just kept coming across domestic adoption. It wasn't really something we had researched a ton, but we definitely weren't against it. You know what turned me off the most from a domestic process? The fact that a first mother could potentially commit to letting us adopt her unborn child and then change her mind. Cognitively, I totally understand this is COMPLETELY her choice, and if she decides she CAN parent, she should go for it... it's HER child. Emotionally, I was scared of having my heart broken. Stay with me here, that my friends is called irony and foreshadowing.

August 2012, we began a homestudy for a domestic adoption. There really is no way to have an accurate timeline in domestic adoption, because once you are 'paper ready' it's all about a first family feeling a connection with you and choosing you. We were really okay with this. We were using both an agency, and our homestudy provider was sort of a facilitator working with private adoption attorneys. Our agency was 'quoting' that families like ours were in general adding to their family about 12 months after being paper-ready. That was the 'perfect' timeline in our minds, as Cupcake and the new child would be about 3 years apart at that time. HAHAHAHAHA. 

We mostly finished up our homestudy in September, but we were waiting on our FBI fingerprints/criminal checks to come back from our home state and previous states for it to be completely finalized. We hadn't paid any of our agency fees, we did submit some photos and narratives to be presented to first families to help them 'get to know us,' but we were also asked to make a little video, and we hadn't even started that. In general, we weren't in a huge rush (completely opposite from Cupcake's adoption where we were kind of rushing EVERYTHING). 

So, October 17th rolls around and a few days prior to that, we had been talking around that time about how we should really finish up the last few details so we could become 'active' and having our profile shown to women who were potentially considering and adoption plan. I had just returned to work in August and it was busy, busy, busy adjusting back to both of us working full-time, but also trying to figure out how to spend lots of time with Cupcake. On October 17th, things got just a little bit crazier! I was dealing with an honest-to-goodness crisis at work. I'm a school counselor, so I can't go into detail other than to say... it was a rough morning. My cell had rung a couple of times, but I just kept hitting 'ignore,' because I had zero time to talk. Call #3 came from the Mister, and he NEVER calls me at work unless it is important. He will text me here and there throughout the day, but a phone call means business. So, I answered figuring that daycare had called him to tell him Cupcake was sick and needed to be picked up, but he was stuck in meetings (this became a theme this year... someone was ALWAYS sick). Nope, instead he blurted into the phone, "Why haven't you been answering your phone?! Me: "I'm in the middle of a problem that I can't just walk away from!" Him: "Well, the agency has been trying to get a hold of you." Me: "Yeah, I saw that, but I figured Kathy (our caseworker) was just calling to see how we were doing and if we were EVER going to pay our fees." Him: "No, we've been chosen as a family for a baby." Me: "No, that's not possible, we aren't even 'active' yet." Him: "Well, apparently there was a woman they thought we would be a good match for, so they went ahead and showed her the info they had without telling us, and she ended up choosing us." Me: *silence* after about a minute... "Is this a joke?" Him:" No! We need to call them back to find out the details and they want us to call them this morning." Me: "I reeeeaaaaaaalllllllllyyyyyyy hate to do this to you, but I have to call you back when I get this work thing sorted out." 

It took about another 45 minutes for me to get things squared away at work, and then I flew out of the building and drove to the K's office where there were ABSOLUTELY NO PARKING SPACES AND IT WAS RAINING OUTSIDE, AND OHMYGOSH I AM FREAKING OUT WHY CAN'T I JUST PARK MY CAR?! Finally, I made it inside, and security didn't question the deranged look in my eyes and let me be escorted in. We called the agency back and heard all of the details. The baby was due to be born in 8 days via c-section, the mother had taken a look at MANY profiles and said no to all of them, so they took a chance on our family knowing that we matched a number of criteria she was looking for and she said yes the same day she saw our info, the baby was going to be born 900-ish miles away in Philly and could we be there in a week? Us: *silence*  "Can we call you back?" 

We hung up the phone and K had a blank stare. This was pretty reminiscent of when we got Cupcake's referral, so really... that's a good sign. I took about 5 minutes to pray and then knew that there was no freaking way I would say no. I was SCARED out of my mind, but I knew in my heart of hearts that this was our next child. We knew it was a girl. I knew exactly what we would name her if her first mother agreed to let us choose a first name. I knew we wanted her to choose a middle name. The only part I couldn't quite figure out was, how we were going to tell co-workers, friends and some of our family members... we had only told a small handful of people that we were starting an adoption process. We were planning to tell more people once our homestudy was done and we were 'active,' because it would just be SILLY to not tell people and then have this weird conversation with people where you are like, "Oh, by the way, I will be gone from work for the next 6 weeks because we are adopting again, oh didn't I mention it was possible that I would need to take maternity leave after already taking a year off of work with my first child and only being back from 2.5 months?" Yeah, that would have been AWKWARD. Wait...

This is already a novel. I've no idea how to edit myself, so let's just make this a series... Part 2 up next!

Still a Rookie

After having Cupcake home an entire YEAR, I was reminded today that I am still a parenting rookie. I learned this lesson in a courtroom. In front of lawyers and a judge and a court reporter. We re-adopted Cupcake today. I'll get to that part. First, I'd like to air my shame as my daughter, basically tried to blow snot rockets in the courtroom in front of the judge, and I had NO TISSUES. I didn't even have wipes. I figured we weren't even going to be in the courthouse long enough to warrant bringing the diaper bag. I was wrong. Very, very wrong. I did have a spare diaper in my handbag, so I had her finish blowing into that. If you have tips on getting the message across to a toddler that it is customary to use the tissue, THEN blow, I'm all ears. She does this backwards, quite a bit lately since she is teething and has a really congested nose. It's awesome. Don't visit our house for another week, I'm trying to keep up with all of the snot. Parenthood is glamorous.
Re-adopt you ask? Yes, we adopted her in Ethiopia last May, she became a citizen of the United States when she went through customs exactly ONE YEAR AGO today. When she was adopted (the first time) it is customary in Ethiopia for the middle name of the child to be the father's first name. Poor thing. We couldn't let her live her life with THAT as HER middle name. So, we went through the 'readoption' process which meant furnishing all of our paperwork, financial information, etc. to our lawyer and the court. She will now get a state issued birth certificate in the mail, and we were able to change her middle name in the process. It was a lovely way to commemorate her being home for one year. My mother asked, "Okay, so does this mean you are finally done with all of the red tape for her adoption." The answer? "Nope." Now, we wait for her birth certificate to be issued, change the name on her social security card, certificate of citizenship and then just for giggles we will apply for a passport, because if there is one thing we love around here, it's paperwork. Said in the tone of someone with lots of papercuts, eye-rolling and dripping with sarcasm. Honestly, the hoops are nothing compared to the joy and miracle of parenting this kid. Don't ever let the hoop jumping stop you from adopting, just know there will be days when it feels like the process is never finished, but parenting itself is never done either. I recommend just getting a really nice, fire-proof filing cabinet, a fun, cute label-maker and pretty files. Might as well add some sparkle to the paperwork.

Our original plan for the last few months was to head to Chicago and do all of our favorite touristy things there to celebrate our FAMIVERSARY. Have I mentioned it is my favorite city in the middle states? It is. I love it. A lot. Then, we ended up getting our court date assigned for today, which wasn't all bad, until we had another setback. More on that later. We're coming back someday Chicago, hopefully sooner, rather than later. 

I sent K a text message last year when he was in Chicago that I would have a large diet coke with ICE waiting for him at the airport, but he had to immediately hand over Cupcake to get it from me. Also, my dad in the green is just slightly emotional about the homecoming. I love him.

A couple of things to point out. 1. I'm smiling, but I felt rotten from mono still. I'm also in denial and still think parenting is all sunshine, rainbows and roses. It's actually a lot of poop and snot. FYI. 2. K looks awesome from traveling with a toddler for 24 hours +. 3. I didn't notice this until a couple of weeks/months later, but Cupcake is clearly petrified. She is one brave little girl. It breaks my heart to look at the photos from this day, because of how fearful she looks.

I still think they make the cutest 'gay-dad' family from Embassy day. Next time, my brother says he is wearing a shirt that says, "I'm the uncle"

We had an awesome judge this morning. She also had on really expensive shoes. Too bad she has to sit behind that desk where nobody gets to enjoy them! K was supposed to earn a 'prize' by using lines from "A Few Good Men" in his testimony. He chickened out. In his defense, it probably wasn't a wise idea for me to encourage him to say things like, "You can't handle the truth" and "You're G** D**** right I did." Couldn't help myself. It's my favorite movie.

We don't have photo evidence of the snot rockets, but here we are outside the courtroom with a new middle name!

Proof that she is a complete ham for the camera and has adjusted well in the last year. No fear in this photo, just a look of complete confidence.