Grandma P

**This is REALLY long, but it was cathartic to write, so there ya go.**

I hate to brag, but I think I have the BEST extended family around. It took me a long, long time to understand the difference between extended family and immediate family concepts. Even as a graduate student, in my family counseling studies I found the concepts fuzzy in my brain, and not just because I'm dense about certain things (well, that might be part of it). *A quick note, maybe THIS is why my group project got a B+ in that class, if so, my apologies to Christy, Jade, Sarah and Steph. Wait, I'm still fairly confident that it was because the adjunct professor didn't watch our presentation and was thrown off by all of the big words in our paper. Okay, I feel better now (Clearly, I'm still bitter about that B+).

Back on point, I think the real reason I struggle with these concepts is that my cousins might as well have been my brothers and sisters. My uncles are like 2nd dads, my aunts like 2nd moms, and my grand-parents were the parents of ALL of us. We didn't live in the same house (or town), but we got together often (and still do), we laugh at our own jokes, a trait from my Grandpa, we love fully and completely. My childhood memories are wrapped up in these people. At the center of it all, was a Grandma. She was a strong lady (and you would need to be if you birthed and raised 7 boys, on little to no money). She was a loving lady. She was a hard-worker. She made the BEST food. Notice how I've used the word, was? That's because she died last week. She fought a tough stinking battle with congestive heart failure, and it was painful. It was painful to hear about and see. Growing up, and until last week, I'm pretty sure that I had convinced myself my Grandma was going to live FOREVER, because part of me just never wanted to imagine my life without my Grandma. I'm not one for 'platitudes' and it sometimes annoys me to no end when people constantly say, "She is in a better place." Yes, I believe that to be true, but I'm selfish, and I'd rather have my loved ones on earth WITH ME! Really, just a 'sorry, I love you," is more than enough. However, I truly am relieved in many ways that my Grandmother's earthly pain has come to an end. She really is dancing with her 4th born baby boy in heaven, and that is an incredible picture in my mind's eye. 

So, the theme of my Grandmother's incredible prayer service and funeral was FAITH. The quote that best applies, "PREACH THE GOSPEL AT ALL TIMES AND WHEN NECESSARY USE WORDS." --St. Francis of Assisi. My grandmother lived out the gospel in her love and service to her family and others. The best example of how she did this in my life relates to the adoption of Cupcake, though I could mention things like the times she cared for me when I was sick so that my mother didn't have to use child sick days. I think you get about .2 of those as a teacher... blah. Not allowed to have sick kids, I guess. Wow, again, I digress... sorry!

Well, we started the adoption process at the end of February 2010. We wanted to tell the majority of our family in person, but we live far from most of them (which I HATE). So, we hate to wait until July to really announce what we were doing. It was HARD to keep it to ourselves. I was a little nervous about telling my Grandparents (which in hindsight is LAUGHABLE). We had told a couple of family members, friends and co-workers (what, I'm not a MACHINE?! I had to talk about it!) Unfortunately, we didn't always receive positive and supportive remarks in return when we shared our news (which was heart-breaking). I was nervous that my Grandparents, being from a different generation, and surrounded by all  mostly white people would cause them to have a negative response when they heard A. We are adopting and B. The child will be black. I so desired their love and support. Worrying about the race issue was REALLY stupid on my part, because when I think about it, I have cousins that are part-Panamanian, and an aunt that is part Asian. I'm not colorblind, but I hadn't ever focused on that fact before. The worrying about 'adoption' being an issue was really a waste of time too. If I brought someone I met at the gas station to our Christmas gathering, my Grandma would somehow have a Christmas present all ready for them, and they would be hugging and chatting with her by the end of the day as if they had always been part of the family. I think my Grandmother's attitude toward making everyone she met part of her family is where the seed of adoption was first planted in my heart. So, in the end, my Grandmother gave me the BIGGEST hug and kiss upon hearing the news. She asked for all of the details and expressed her great joy for us. 

I was incredibly sad not to make the 2nd trip to Ethiopia to pick up Cupcake, but my mother came to take care of me and ended up bringing me to my childhood home 9.5 hours away at my request because I didn't want to sit home and miss my husband and daughter when I could be surrounded by family members. This provided me the opportunity to spend some time with my Grandma while she was hospitalized. She was feeling ROTTEN, but that woman told EVERY.SINGLE.PERSON. that walked into her hospital room about how her new great-granddaughter was coming home from Ethiopia and she was so excited. The poor nurses were probably so sick of hearing about it! I received e-mails from people about how my Grandmother would show off Cupcake's pictures and light up when she talked about her. HEART-WARMING! My grandmother had this talent. We have a big family, but she always made each one of us feel special. She supported and prayed us on this journey, and I'll forever be grateful. 

In August, we surprised my Grandparents with a trip home so they could meet Cupcake. The look on my Grandmother's face when we walked through the door with Cupcake will forever be one of my favorite memories. You wouldn't have guessed that she didn't feel well in that moment, because her face lit up and her eyes danced. It was the last time I say my Grandmother in person, and I will always remember the hug she gave me when we were saying our good-byes. I'm certain (now) she knew it was the probably the last hug she would give me. She gave me a giant squeeze and kiss. She whispered in my ear that He answered our prayers with Cupcake coming home, and she told me that she was certain I would have a beautiful life and be a fantastic mother. Thanks, Grandma. I will forever treasure your words and hugs. Love you!

Cupcakes like Pumpkins

There were a handful of things that I pictured the Mister and I doing as parents. Getting up at odd hours of the night, and having mashed up, cooked carrots in our faces weren't exactly what I had in mind, but they have moments of parenting hilarity. I hadn't thought about this particular event for awhile, but was reminded this weekend. In 2008, K worked for a pretty fun and interesting department within his company. When someone asks me what K does for a living, I have a hard time explaining it, because frankly, I do not really understand what he does at work. I've been trying to figure it out for a good 6 years now. I digress. Anyway, the one thing I really enjoyed about K's work assignment in 2008 was the effort to involve spouses and families in their work community. An evening in October 2008 was spent at a nearby Pumpkin Patch. We watched pig races, went through the corn maze in the dark (which was creepy and took 2.5 hours), and enjoyed a nice dinner. I was reminded this evening of this ache I had on that October night in 2008. We had a fun night, but I kept thinking how I couldn't wait for us to enjoy those events with our kidlets. I'm pretty sure that every person hoping to be on the cusp of parenthood experiences those feelings at some point, in some way. 

All of that to say, we re-visited the very same pumpkin patch/farm this weekend WITH Cupcake. It was perfect. The weather was perfect, and so was the the afternoon just being a family. This weekend, one of my dreams came true, and I'm grateful. 

Ignore my head. Not so good at hiding, apparently...

Waiting for the piglet races. Kevin Bacon won. Cupcake started making this AWESOME piggy snort for the next 20 minutes. Can't get her to repeat it now, though...shucks...

Clearly, she wasn't a huge fan of the human scarecrow

Llama!!!!

This is the face she makes most often when she sees a camera. LOL

The Pumpkin Blaster was definitely K's highlight. Boys...

Family photo...too bad I'm eating my hair and Cupcake isn't looking...oh, well.

Babycakes

Earlier this week, I posted on my Facebook wall about a momma desperately trying to find a family for 5 precious kiddos. SHE desperately wanted to make them HER family, but for various reasons, it didn't look like it was going to happen. This momma was heartbroken. I could feel it in the words I read. It broke my heart. I think any person that has desperately wanted to be a mom or dad, or any person that has lost a child in some way, or any person with a beating heart, would have felt the pain radiating. 

Turns out, those 5 babies DO have a family. Hurrah! The sad momma isn't so sad anymore, because they ARE HER babies. Crazy, amazing. You can read about it here. So, in the coming months, those 5 babies are going to need airplane tickets to the US of A. That's what we like to call 'spensive. This momma, makes a little something called Babycakes. We use it every night on Cupcake's body, face (and sometimes hair), and then zip her up in jammies. She is smooth and soft every morning. We have had ZERO dry skin issues. The best part, Cupcake is pretty inquisitive like most 1 year olds, and she has gotten a quick lick or two of the babycakes, but the lotion is organic. I don't recommend her or any child eating it, but it's safe should they happen to get into it. I have a hard time keeping 'Diogee the handicapable dog's' tongue out of the jar, too. Again, I know the ingredients won't hurt him. So, the profits from Babycakes is now going toward adoption expenses, so it is kind of a win/win for buyer and seller. According to an app. on my phone and every department/big box store I've walked into in the last 2 weeks, Christmas is coming. Gifts with a purpose behind them are FUN. So, there ya go! Get all babycaked up.

I'm ashamed to admit that I perpetuated the commercialism of Christmas today, but I was sucked in by the idea of buying Cupcake a Christmas dress, and I had enough coupons to get it for almost 60% off. I'm WEAK...

Birthday Cake Remix

I think I stole that title from Cold Stone Creamery... Yummmm.

Well, it is official, we have a 1 year old in the family! Aye has been home 8 weeks, so it felt a little odd to already be having a birthday party...because in my mind...our family is only 8 weeks old. It was a great excuse to introduce Cupcake to extended family members and friends. We are still, 'cocooning' but admittedly, we have made some exceptions to this, and we feel that Cupcake has handled the times when we have broken the cocoon extremely well. She gives clear signals when she isn't ready or comfortable with something, and we work to honor that. We have about another 4 weeks to go, and then I am going to try out the gym daycare, and other craziness. :) 

Anyway, Cupcake has grown hair, she has gotten taller, and I would venture to guess that she has gained about 3lbs., we will get the official numbers at her well-check on Tuesday. She is happy, goofy, has learned how to give big, wet sloppy kisses (love), her leg strength has come A LONG way, she is now pulling up on furniture and just tonight was showing signs that she wants to start cruising furniture. We feel so blessed to call  her our daughter, and not a day goes by that we don't think about her first mother. She bestowed upon us a precious gift, we are forever honored. 

With that...let's see some bday pics! It was, of course, a CUPCAKE themed party. I apologize for the zillion pictures. Trust me, I didn't even post 1/4 of them. I just knew my family members would want to see these particular ones!

Our attempt to get a 1yo pic...

Dressed and ready to party!!

This is my Nana. She makes my mom put the phone on speaker every day so I can learn her voice...

This is my Uncle T. He came to Ethiopia to help my daddy get me to the USA. He is wearing his Ethiopian shirt... I loved seeing him!

This is my Grampa. I have the cutest yawn in the world...

Auntie K! I stick my tongue out all.the.time.

I played a little, get the ring on the cupcake candle, and my cousins helped me cheat...love them!

I got to meet H in person. Our mommies wouldn't mind if we got married (after college with good jobs:). H didn't want my mommy to hold both of us...

Daddy helped me open all of my presents. I just wanted to play with the toys, but didn't get to until after my nap. Sigh...

There were cupcakes, of course! Thanks Auntie A for bringing them. They were yummy!!!!

I don't know what a smash cake is, but I'm not too keen on the idea.

Well, it looks like my cousins aren't going to let me get away with not checking it out, so I'll just stick one finger in...

Oh, okay... I'm supposed to eat it...

It's pretty tasty, and a little sticky...

Yum, I'm trying to see if the 30 people standing around watching want to try some. I'm good at sharing like that.

No, you guys don't want any? Okay, more for me, I guess!

These people next to me are kinda crazy, but they sure know how to throw a fun party! They've never let me get all sugared up before!

I cannot believe I'm getting away with this...

For real, I'm going to eat the whole thing...

If Uncle T tells me to keep at it, I'm going to listen...I trust that guy. People call him Dr.

Seriously, this cake is delish!

Mommy, how do you laugh and cry at the same time like that?

Most.Fun.Ever.

Can we do this every Saturday???

That's my other Auntie K. We call her the baby whisperer. I'm freshly washed from the cake. The bath tub looked like a bad crime scene though...so did the high chair...and the kitchen floor.

I love me some auntie lovin...

That's my British Uncle S...

I had cake smashed to the BACK of my dress. I'm still sneezing frosting out of my nose (seriously)...Pink frosting...

This stuff is soaking in the washing machine...along with my favorite blankie that I puked all over a few hours later. My tummy hasn't been 'right' since the cake, but I haven't fussed a bit!

Thanks for all the birthday love, everyone! We felt blessed to mark this occassion as a family, and are looking forward to many more. We couldn't have come so far without all of the love and support that we treasured pre-adoption, during-adoption and now post-adoption. We are blessed.

"Home Help Sanitation Initiative"

Makes me want to smack, "Two Slice Hilly" in the mouth. Yeah, I said it.

Yes, I realize that 'The Help' was written by a white woman and is a (fictional) book giving the perspective of black, domestic workers in the south in 1963. (Also, if you haven't read the book, you should, but the 'Home Help Sanitation Initiative' is the brain-child on crack of the Junior League President herself, Hilly Holbrook, in which she not so chalantly (not a word) suggests that black woman 'the help' be constructed bathrooms or outhouses at the homes they work in, and not use the waterclosets in the home because they 'carry different diseases.' Gahhhh!). So, as I was saying, the book is written by a white woman, and there are some critics of that. I almost don't feel like I can even get in on that discussion because, really, I'm a white woman that adopted a black child. Just seems like I should keep my mouth shut all together on the subject, because I'll come out of the discussion a loser either way...

HERE is just one of the articles that I've recently read on all that is wrong with, "The Help." Also, I recently listened to THIS in which Viola Davis remarks on her experience deciding to play one of the main characters. What I can't help but think... at least we are having these discussions amongst friends, movie companions, in the media, book clubs, etc. Sure, the book got some things wrong and skipped right over details that were reportedly major problems for domestic workers in the civil-rights era, including sexual harassment.exploitation from their male employers. Yet, until I read this book (and watched the movie), I never considered THE FEAR that these amazing women struggled with every day. Fear of retribution, fear of their own safety and fear for their children, fear of falling in love with the white children in their charge, and teaching them, and then being employed by them. I could go on. I didn't live in the civil rights era, and I never sat down for 400+pages to really think through what life must have been like for a black, domestic worker. Now, I have at least one piece of the puzzle, even if it is from a fictional book, and it spurred me to read the criticisms and add in other pieces of the puzzle. So, I guess I lied...I chimed in... for me, as a white woman, with a black child, I think I got some things out of reading this book about black women written by a white woman. AND I CRIED AT THE MOVIE. It was GOOD. I just want to spend an afternoon with Mae Mobley!!!! I want to be BFF's with Minnie... and I already have a friend that might as well change her name to Celia Foote. I might just start calling her that...

So, did you read the book or see the movie? Let me know your thoughts. You can even tell me if you think I'm an idiot. Just do it nicely. You can even use my method when I have to give someone not so kind news (usually work related). Compliment me, then give me constructive criticism, then compliment me again. This way, I'm so confused, I don't realize that you really think I'm an idiot, but I can consider the criticism. 

**Thanks to the ladies that went with me to the movie! I've been wanting to see it since it came out!!!!!

One Year Ago,

We woke up early as we had to head out early to get our fingerprints done for our USCIS application. We also awoke to the news that we had been blessed with 2 new nieces. They were both born at 1 lb. 6 oz. and 12 inches long. I remember the joy and fear being so intertwined in my heart and mind it was palpable. We made the 6 hour trek the very next day to meet these beauties. Thinking back on all that transpired during the 2 days of Breley's miraculous life makes it difficult to breathe, even a year later (how one small child changes lives of so many in such a short time may very well always boggle my mind). Kailey, when I think of you, I think of all that is amazing about this world. You make our lives brighter, just by being in them. Thank you.

I wrote these letters to our nieces after meeting them for the first time. Reading them a year later, makes me very sad, and yet hopeful. Hard to describe...


Dearest Angel Kailey,

I was able to see you today, but the NICU staff was providing you with the amazing medical attention that you deserve. I already know how strong you are, because it was difficult for me to watch, but you were most definitely handling it like a champion. I must say, you are an awesome sight even from afar. We love you "to the moon and back." You have been blessed with two sisters, and that is a bond that will guide and support you all of your life. Your big sister, Mya will without a doubt be there for advice, love and protection throughout your life. It is safe to say that she will forever be an incredible role model for both you and Breley. I picture you and Breley having the type of twin bond where you giggle as little girls together over things that only the two of you understand, and having a language together that is all your own. You have been blessed with such incredible parents, and in turn, they have been blessed with you. May you always know that you have aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins that wrap you in prayer along with your sisters and parents because we care so deeply for you. Continue the good fight, strong little one. Now that I've seen you in person, I am not sure how we all got along without the precious miracle that is you and your sister for all of these years. May you feel the love, faithfulness, strength and peace we have all been praying for from God. All my love.
Auntie L


To Precious Breley,

There were so many things I wanted to tell you when I first met you, but you took my breath away, and I couldn't get my mind and mouth to speak the words. All I could utter were the words, I love you, and maybe that was enough. Maybe in that tiny beating heart of yours, you already know how amazing you are. I could see the love in your mom and dad's eyes as they spoke of you. Such a lucky little girl to be born into such an amazing family. I keep thinking about how years from now, we will get to tell you about all of the people far and wide that prayed for your health and safety. What a beautiful gift that is, much as you are such a blessing from God. I have one sister in this world, and she is quite possibly my best friend. I was lucky enough to get such an amazing and strong sister-in-law as your mom. God has blessed you with 2 sisters, and that is a bond that cannot be adequately described with words. I have watched your big sister, Mya grow up in the last 6 years, and have no doubt that she is an incredible, little girl. She will always be there for you and provide you with advice, love and protection. Never forget that. I just need you to know that we continue to wrap you in prayer, so that God can continue his divine work in your life and provide you with the strength and peace that you need. All my love, dearest Breley.